but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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