I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
