youre lurking in front of me
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
