I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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