Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Randomize
