So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize