right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
