I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I intend to get homeless drunk
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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