well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
