brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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