you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
my vag is so smooth its legendary
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
