The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
