Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
