If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Holy shit dude........stairs
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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