He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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