where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
