Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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