I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize