Whod you bang
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
