i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
