I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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