I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
