i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
