Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
