His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
