So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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