dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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