I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
