Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
