then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
