No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
