You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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