Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
