you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Terrible idea I love it
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
