K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize