Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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