He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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