it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
