I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize