he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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