Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
