were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
