They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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