Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
