I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
