Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
