That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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