I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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