Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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