so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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