my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
