Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
