i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize