I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
