It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize