He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
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