So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
