I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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