Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
