doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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