Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
