i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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