census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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