Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'm always down for nudity.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
