There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
