There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
