The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
