how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
