at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
