don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
i think my cat just said my name.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
