a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize