so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
