i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Randomize
