All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
