the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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