I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
