I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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